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Funny Lists

We've searched the web to bring you the best jokes available, but no one's perfect. Send your favorate funnies to [email protected]

If we like it we'll put up with your name. In the meanwhile enjoy!

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Really BADDDDDDD Pickup Lines

1. Ever spend any time at the Neverland Ranch?
2. Can I call you Deep-Fat Frier? Because you SIZZLE.
3. Aren't you that kid my big brother used to throw dog shit at?
4. Hey Big Boy - wanna play father figure to my three unruly teens?
5. Did I mention that I breed ferrets as a hobby?
6. Do you like New England clam chowder? Really? I do too.
7. Wanna blow this place and check out a kegger under the railroad bridge?
8. If you were a 39th-level Magic User, with the ability morph, engaged in one-on-one combat with Alfracadar, King of the Orcs, I wouldn't suggest rolling to change to a more fearsome shape - but rather dazzling him with your natural beauty, which is plentiful.
9. If I looked up the word beautiful in the dictionary, I bet your picture would be there, except that I'd look up your name instead of beautiful, and it wouldn't be a dictionary, but your high school yearbook.
10. I'm really into prosthetics. How about you?
11. Bonjour cherie! Regardez la pomme de terre dans mes bluejeans
12. It's weird, but you totally remind me of this hermaphrodite who lived in my dorm.
13. Hey beautiful - what say you cook me dinner for 40 years while I watch football on the couch?
14. You look just like the cyborg I'm building in my basement!
15. How about I crack you over the head with a club and drag you home by the hair?
16. You haven't partied until you've partied with a polka band!
17. So, are you into cutting?
18. Don't be deceived by this 60 inch waist - I know how to boogie!
19. Want to go back to my place? I have digital cable and half a box of zinfandel.
20. I think it's time for you to stop being polite and start getting real.
21. You remind me of my uncle who had to go away for awhile.
22. I've never been married, but I swear you look like my first wife
23. Pretty cool funeral, huh?
24. You look familiar - haven't I stalked you before?

Things You Wouldn't Know Without Movies

1. -It is always possible to park directly outside any building you are visiting.
2. -A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
3. -If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.
4. -Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization.
5. -It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
6. -When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.
7. -No one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock.
8. -Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
9. -When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.
10. -You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.
11. -Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds, unless it's the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.
12. -An electric fence, powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will cause no lasting damage to an eight-year-old child.
13. -Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment you turn the television on.

10 Blonde Science Fair Projects

10) Are poisonous snakes really venomous?
9) Is lighter fluid flammable?
8) What hurts more: falling off a building, or a cliff?
7) Are knives sharp?
6) Can sharks hurt a human?
5) What happens if I stick my hand in a piranha aquarium?
4) Can I break my arm hitting it against a wall?
3) Can I eat broken glass and live?
2) Can dogs talk?
1) Are blondes really dumb?

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